Rules of Engagement – How to Effectively Communicate
It seems that marriage has a way of making even the most sophisticated of people to act like little children. This is because if we have any amount of self-centeredness in us, marriage has a way of squeezing it out of us.
I have often been surprised how quickly many couples leave the house and go out to the playground when it comes to dealing with issues in a healthy manner. In fact, in our Audio Cd series we exalt what we call rules of engagement.
Even Russia and the United States had certain Rules of Engagement during the “Cold War”. My thinking is that if two warring countries can agree to disagree in a civil manner, then at the very least married couples can do the same.
In our Audio Cd series, How to Break the Cycle of Resentment, we exalt the following rules for couples. In other words, we encourage couples to agree to disagree in the following manner.
1. No Yelling. Your spouse is not deaf.
2. No physical contact or man-handling. Totally off limits.
3. Watch your tone of voice. 90% of communication is non-verbal.
4. No interrupting. Not respectful.
5. Stick with the facts. Stay away from using words and phrases like “You always” or “You never”. Seldom true.
6. Don’t argue late into the night.
7. Don’t argue in front of your children. The joy of the parent is the strength of the child. They don’t need to hear your stuff.
8. Stick with the present. That is, don’t use the past as arsenal against one another.
Thriving marriages aren’t couples that perfect one another, but couples that accept one another as they are and love each other whether they feel like it or not. We have found that these Rules of Engagement are extremely helpful to provide the boundaries that couples need to effectively communicate. In fact, we often recommend that couples print these out and post these around your house until they become a habit.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
