Who’s Going to Change First?
The other night, my family and I stopped by a fast-food restaurant as we returned home from a Christian concert. To be honest, the service was slow, the food was, well, what you would expect at a “burger-joint”, and the cleanliness of the store was below average.
We have a little rule in our home. When we eat out, we like to leave our table(s) cleaner than when we arrived, however, at this particular place, I felt less than inspired to obey my own laws. In fact, due to the soiled carpets, sticky tables . . . you get the picture, I didn’t feel much of a need to leave our table as spotless as usual.
Then, it hit me. If I leave this mess, the next person in line will feel even less inspired to clean up their mess. My lack of inspiration would just lead to even less inspiration in others.
Suddenly, I thought to myself, this is exactly what some husbands and wives do on a daily basis. They see the emotional dirt that is soiling their marriage, therefore, they feel little motivation to “clean up their own mess”. Consequently, the other half feels even less inspired to make any changes in their approach to the relationship.
During our first year of marriage, I was convinced that my wife was the problem and visa versa. I thought I married the wrong person and, you guessed it, visa versa. I truly believed that she was the primary source of our issues and, once again, visa versa. Our young and fragile marriage was soiled with self-centeredness, negativity, and anger, and neither one of us would pick up a broom until the other made the first move. This is a recipe for disaster, and if you are in this condition you need to have a change of heart. Clean up your own mess first and see if that doesn’t inspire the other person to start making a few changes.
If you are reading this article, this probably means that you are going to have to be the person to take the initial step. That is, you cannot wait for the other person to “clean up their act” before you get to work. In fact, I often tell people that faith and obedience to God is doing what is right no matter what the consequences are. In reality, if you do what is right, your future will be bright no matter what your husband or wife does or does not do. The promises of God concerning your own state of happiness and joy do not hinge upon your spouses obedience or lack thereof to God.
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Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
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