Angry Parents
The Following is an Excerpt from our Book, Angry Without a Cause. (Click Here to Order)
My best material on parenting seems to come from hanging out at Wal-mart or any local retail store. On more than one occasion, I have either hidden behind a manikin or pretended to look at something longer than I needed in order to witness a less-than-Biblical approach to parenting. More often than not, I have observed that parents are unjustifiably using anger to correct their children.
Let’s take a moment to review a common scenario that takes place in many homes today. Imagine yourself working at your computer when one of your children starts to bang on the computer table with his Fisher Price hammer or her brand new baby doll. How do you react? Many parents do the following:
The parent says, “Stop that.”
The child turns his head, but ignores the command and keeps banging away.
After about 30 seconds, the parent says something like “Hey, stop that.”
The child may stop for a little while, but soon continues.
Then the parent angrily says, “Hey, didn’t I say to stop doing that?!”
The child looks at the parent and goes and plays with something else for about a minute, but ends up coming back to continue his construction (or destruction) project.
Now, with a more frustrated tone of voice, the parent yells, “Stop that Johnny!”
Once again, the child continues.
Finally, the parent stomps over to the child and pulls the hammer out of his fingers and says angrily, “Can’t you listen? I TOLD YOU FIVE TIMES TO STOP THAT!”
There are a few problems with this scenario. First of all, children that are subjected to this type of parenting subconsciously learn that Dad and Mom’s first command means absolutely nothing. There is a saying, (I’m not sure where it originated), concerning civil law. It goes something like this:
“Laws are only as good as the men and women that enforce them.”
As far as parenting is concerned, the same is also true. Only those parents that consistently back up their commands in a calm and confident manner, and the FIRST TIME their children disobey, are teaching them that their commands carry some type of weight.
Secondly, the parent’s anger was unjustified, in that the attempt at disciplining did not have the good of the child in mind. Let’s face it. The only reason the parent finally took decisive action was because the child finally infringed upon the parent’s leisure time and comfort level enough to irritate him/her into taking action. This is what I call SELFISH-DISCIPLINING. This does nothing to teach the child how to properly respond to authority, nor does it help the child to properly obey in the future.
Before I conclude this portion of the book, I would like to add that parents’ anger toward their children is also unjustified when the parents are upset at the children for behaving the way that they would be behaving if the PARENTS were trained by THEMSELVES. Was that a little wordy? Well, let me explain it like this. If a basketball coach neglects to practice with his players and teach them the fundamentals of the game, does he have a right to get mad at his players for playing poorly? If he ignores his responsibility to teach them the correct way to pass, shoot, and execute plays, will he have a right to become furious with them when they fail to perform during a game? The answer is obvious. In the same way, parents that abandon their responsibility to properly instruct and train their children have little right to become aggravated at them when they disobey at the mall, at school, or especially in front of the in-laws. We have a little saying around our house concerning this very same topic:
“When our children embarrass us in public, then it is time to go home and train them in private.”
Though it’s not very catchy, it certainly keeps us from welling up with pride at the grocery store and acting in an irrational manner.
Watch this Short Video to See if Your Marriage May be Caught in the Cycle of Resentment and Anger
To Order our Audio Cd Series called How to Break the Cycle of Resentment and Anger in Your Marriage, Click Here.
